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(no subject) [Apr. 2nd, 2005|07:57 am]
Sin City = Greatest. Movie. Ever.
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(no subject) [Mar. 26th, 2005|09:19 pm]
[mood |shockedshocked]
[music |Broken Phone Booth- Primitive Radio Gods]

Alright. If anyone wants to hear a highly interesting/entertaining/shocking story, ask me about my spring break in Washington DC, and possibly be prepared to be a bit grossed out. Or whatever. But the story's worth it.
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(no subject) [Mar. 7th, 2005|09:04 pm]
[music |Jenny- Tommy Tutone]

Fucking damnit, I've done it again.

I have a test tomorrow in the anthro class. One I have consciously decided to ignore, and not study for. Every day in class I'm just like..."This is boring and I'd rather be home with Kenny." Welllll now we have a test, I'm going to fail, everyone around me is going to get an A, and I'm going to have to deal with Ryan Callahan being all, "Oh, look at this good grade I got, Tayler!" Fucker. So I'm trying to cram the entire FOUR CHAPTERS right now (well, not NOW, because I'm typing this crapola.)

On an even BRIGHTER note, my deluded grandparents have apparently decided that I would like to spend MY SPRING BREAK in Washington DC with them. Which I wouldn't. So I have to take off eight days of work which roughly equals about $160, and spend that time with my fucking grandparents. I can only handle them in small doses. While my mother is in Holland, talking about how amazing the snow covered windmills are.

My parents are REALLY getting on my case about college. I'm apparently now going to Moorpark. They want me to go to Berkeley, almost as much as I want me to go to Berkeley...but I don't think I'm smart enough, whereas they do. They're crazy people.
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(no subject) [Mar. 2nd, 2005|08:33 pm]
[music |Bob Dylan- Hurricane]

Sooo. Some interesting stuff, I suppose.

-Completely over my math tutor.
-May NOT be going to the Killers concert.
-Mother in Amsterdam, without me.
-Nick L. is here. I probably won't meet him. Not by choice.
-Kenny will be here Friday...*anticipation*
-My parents will buy me a new car as soon as I have a "four year college plan."
-I'm completely out of money, after spending approximately $150 on used, cheap books. That's allotta books.
-I'm in a Bob Dylan mood.
-I almost had sex with a guy I would never have sex with.

I have decided that I've been putting this off too long. Kenny will be here Friday, unless something goes wrong (parents). If my dad says anything, I'll tell him to shut up and deal with it. He doesn't have the right to hold anything against me, now that I'm paying for all my own shit. And...if things go well...I have to tell Kenny. Because it can't keep going on like this.

The B-52's cancelled their show. Tayler mad.
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So depressed I want to cry, or so happy I want to cry...? Maybe a bit of both. [Feb. 21st, 2005|04:48 pm]
[music |Styx- Come Sail Away]

"I guess what I'm saying is that this all feels very familiar. But it's not mine to be familiar about. I just know that another kid has felt this. This one time when it's peaceful outside, and you're seeing things move, and you don't want to, and everyone is asleep. And the books you've read have been read by other people. And all the songs you've loved have been heard by other people. And that girl that's pretty to you is pretty to other people. And you know that if you looked at these facts when you were happy, you would feel great because you are describing 'unity.'"

I can't really say what happened (specifics, at least), as usual, but I can tell you that it was amazing, and I feel infinite.

But he came over as he always does to see Jace and Cody, and spent the weekend. I wasn't expecting him to be there. When I walked in, his hair was wet because he'd walked in the rain and the second I saw him it was like a blow to the stomach, because he is just so beautiful.

Nothing really happened friday night. Or Saturday night. Nothing of note that needs to be put here at least. But Sunday night...I wish on everything that I could make it sound how it feels, or how it felt.

It was no longer this...let's pretend kind of thing. It was open, and it didn't feel wrong, like I thought it would. We were together the whole night. Where one went, the other went, and it was perfect. It got rather later, and we were sitting together, and I bent over. He started rubbing my back, and just leaned in and asked if I was ok. Jace was on the computer two feet away, and the other guys were watching tv...normally he would just ask, "Are you okay?" really loudly. But this time, he leaned in to me, and just whispered, "You okay?" and it was so much more intimate. Every time he went to hold my hand, or run his hand through my hair, or any small gesture of affection...I'd get this little flutter in my heart.

I know this all sounds ridiculous, and its probably because I'm listening to beautiful music. But it was a beautiful thing, so I want it to sound right to me.

We stayed up until five a.m., sunday morning. I had to be at work by eight, so when I left, the only thing I was thinking about was coming back to see him. All day. It was the longest day of my life. When I was finally off, I was nervous driving home. I just wanted to see him.

Then I got home. I went in the house, and no one was there. So I thought maybe they had all gone somewhere and would come back, and called my stepmom to find out. Jace and Cody went to their friends house for the night, and everyone else had gone home.

So I went in my room and cried. For a really long time. Then I went to sleep, at 4 in the afternoon. I didn't wake up until ten the next morning.

Maybe I'm just partly scared because the next time I see him, it might not be the same. And if it isn't, if he isn't as amazing, then what will I think?

I'm sorry. You didn't have to read this, whoever did. I only know of three of you, so...yeah. Ignore it.
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(no subject) [Feb. 6th, 2005|07:25 pm]
[mood |crushedcrushed]
[music |The Beatles- Across the Universe]

Alright...so I feel completely violated and skankish, even though it wasn't my fault. I was sleeping, ish. He still had no right to do that, and you'd think that by me wiggling around he'd figure it out. But I still feel so ill that I'm nauseous and I even cried.

Kenny was laying on my tummy, and somehow his cheek got on mine, so I kissed it.
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(no subject) [Jan. 12th, 2005|09:27 pm]
Damnit, I love being a liberal.

I loooove being pro-abortion. I love being pro-gay marriage. I love being anti-Bush. I love being pro-stem cell research. I love not believing in God.

And I think alot of people will agree with what I'm about to write, but most won't admit it.

I may have some pretty radical ideals, but that's what I live by, and that's how I think the world would become a better place. But my definition of a better world won't work if everyone doesn't follow my way of thinking. And I certainly don't expect everyone to follow it, I just think its disappointing. Because like everyone else, I think that my way of thinking is right, and conservatives are WRONG. I think they are SO wrong that it sometimes really, truly pisses me off to listen to them speak.

I really hope nobody takes this post the wrong way. I'm just...stating my opinion. I'm not trying to offend anyone.
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(no subject) [Jan. 11th, 2005|10:28 pm]
[music |Smashing Pumpkins- A Killer in Me]

Soooo I just totally bs'd Mr. Weber's homework because I only had half an hour to do it...its good, its just really short. AND STEPHANIE STILL HASN'T CALLED ME BACK OR FOUND OUT ABOUT TIME OFF FOR EUROPE.

I'm so desperately into my Romanian math tutor, and I'm not going to be able to see him because my nose is going under the knife on thursday...and my face will be all puffy...MAKE HIM LIKE MEEEEE.

Also...the school has once again proven that it cannot go more than thirteen seconds without fucking my schedule up.

Hey, at least I have a job.

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(no subject) [Jan. 1st, 2005|10:46 pm]
[music |Jane's Addiction- Jane Says]

So...Happy New Year!!

I went to the Rainbow with Stephie and everyone. Now, I have to write this here, where A) I know very few people read, and B) I want to be able to look back on this every time I feel VERY low about myself.

See...the great thing about the Rainbow is that there's tons of rocker guys, anywhere from 21 to 50. Some of them are very, very drunk. Some of them (if you're there on a good night) are very, very beautiful. Like Hunter...

Anyway, I have discovered over time that the only guys who find me attractive are rocker types. Which works for me, as long as their not drunk, and reasonably decent looking. Stephanie and I got a few of these instances at the Rainbow on New Year's Eve.

I want to be reasonably specific, because that means that I can come back and read this when I start getting lower self confidence (which is inevitible). This guy Traci came up to our table, and told my mom, "Pam, no offense, and its ok because I have a thirteen year old girl, but your daughter is hot." That was so awesome. That completely made my night. And then there were some drunken guys saying it, but that really shouldn't be taken into account. I have to have some comfort in my genetic problem. So...yeah. I'm not conceited by recording this- only desperate.

It's just not cool when guys grab your breasts intentionally while they try to get by you...Then brown leather jacket guy grabbed my ass...I really shouldn't wear such low cut shirts when I'm at the Rainbow, because its not like many of them were looking at my face.
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(no subject) [Dec. 26th, 2004|11:59 pm]
If you had the choice of either resurrecting ONE person, or getting true answers to ANY three questions, which would you pick?

I'd pick the questions. Now the real question...what would they be? I'd obviously have to ask about religion/the afterlife...I'd probably ask something about how other people view me in general...and I'd ask what would make me happiest in my life, because I certainly don't know.
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